Understanding people with Asperger's Syndrome

Sorry guys, but I'm going by the assumption that you know what Asperger's Syndrome is. If not, it's a bit of a long winded explanation, so I'm not going to talk about it now.

This hub is really for people who look after, care for, are friends with, etc. someone with Asperger's Syndrome. Rather than centreing on just the Aspie person changing, this hub centres on all parties being flexible. So.... Read on. Please feel free to leave comments, it can only help me improve!

Social Interaction for people with AS

I'm going to do some "What if" situations here, as it's an easy way of laying out some situations people with AS may have trouble with.

• People with AS have trouble with eye contact. They may either not keep eye contact at all, or keep eye contact all the time. Either way, it seems rude to people not clued in. So let's think about some ideas you could do to help them feel more comfortable. You could keep your eyes closed while talking to them if they get particularly anxious with eye contact - or how about you not always looking them square in the eye? That can help a lot, especially if AS people are agitated, upset, or multitasking.
• Another thing people with AS can find difficult is processing verbally delivered information (a.k.a. talking). Especially if you're a quick speaker, it can be very confusing. Imagine if you're out of sync with the world - you're operating on an ever so slightly different frequency to everyone else. It can be like you're trying to catch up with the first sentence by the time the speaker is onto the fifth. So... speak slower!
• Don't assume people with AS are "being funny with you" if they ask you a seemingly obvious question. For example, if someone with AS asks "Are you angry with me?" a sarcastic response really isn't going to help. They are asking a serious question - they can't tell from your body language, tone of voice, etc. So with people with Asperger's, a very good method is - "Take it as it comes". Often what you see is what you get.
• If someone with Asperger's is talking non-stop in a conversation, and you can't get a word in edgeways, then say their name, then say that they're talking too much - politely! e.g. "Sam, you're chattering so much I can't speak! Calm down a minute!" They might be a little embarrassed, but probably not offended by this, so make sure they know it isn't a problem, you were just letting them know.
• Accessing the community can be a bit of a challenge for Aspies. First of all there's the hassle of either driving into town and finding somewhere to park, or getting on a bus with lots of people, or in a taxi with a chatty taxi driver. And walking alone can feel a bit scary if you don't get out much... However, it is very important for people with AS to get out, the same as it is for everyone. Some ways that can help people with AS get out into the community are...

1. To reassure them.that anxiety is natural, and everyone gets it. However, while anxiety is natural, it doesn't do anything constructive to help.
2. To bring along a stress ball with you in a pocket/bag in case they forget their bag - forgetting important things is stressful for anyone at the best of times, and if you've lost your method of coping or left it at home, that's double the stress. It's a really simple thing for a friend or carer to carry a "fiddly" in their bag (it can be anything as simple as a penny, sticky-tack, stressball... just something to keep the hands occupied), but it can make a lot of difference,
3. Make 'em laugh. Laughter does wonders. If it's a positive experience when you go out, you're more likely to go next time, right?
4. Don't pick something too hard. For example, if the person with AS finds social interaction hard at the best of times, going to a huge party of youth club, etc. with loads of people will be overwhelming.

It seems to be a common misconception that people who self harm are all attention seekers. If it's broken down logically, then very few people would hurt themselves just for the sake of it. People with Asperger's have trouble with emotions, so sometimes it seems like self harm is the only way.

Self harming is a coping strategy, or a cry for help. More often than not, no-one answers that cry, mainly because people are unsure how to. Here's some ideas to help understand why people self harm, and how to help it.

• If someone self harms, it really doesn't help to punish them for it. It's sensible to take things like razors and scissors out of their room until they feel calmer, but blitzing their bedroom for absolutely anything that could cause harm is 1) impossible, and 2) Does more harm than good. For example, slamming heads up against bedroom walls is one thing people do sometimes, and you can hardly take away the walls of the house. What works a lot better is to just take the out and out dangerous things away.
• People talking to you after you've just self harmed isn't always a great idea - putting a note under the door is a better idea, as it shows that you care, but it gives the person time to cool off.
• After having just self harmed, the person will probably be feeling a mixture of ashamed and defiant. Look after them, maybe make them a hot drink and sit them down in front of the television with a blanket. After all, they don't need depressing any more.